What do you want to be when you grow up? Tell me about the person you long to be.
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8 Responses to “Tell Me About It…”.
I started writing a response to your question here yesterday but it quickly deteriorated into a miserable lament and I realised I was rather pissed off at the world, and I wasn’t sure that that was how I wanted to portray myself online.
But at any rate, to give you the general dynamics of it, I wanted to be a rockstar. Waking up at 6am on the weekends to watch pop music videos on television probably planted the seed. And then I went through that obligatory teenage high school poetry thing, only at the time Tori Amos and Alanis Morisette were there in the background and I decided I wasn’t writing poetry, I was wrting lyrics. And it was this great exploration of my own emotional terrain. But I didn’t know much about music. I couldn’t make sense of it. I didn’t know how to make it work. I loved to sing but even this became a secretive activity after being criticised one too many times…
Eventually I borrowed this book on music theory and composition from the library. I decided I would spend the two weeks of school holidays I had around Easter and do nothing but study that book. And it helped. I think I made more headway in those two weeks than I had in the whole rest of my teenage existence… lol. And good things flowed out of it. I eventually created a multimedia CD-ROM with original lyrics, music (notated on computer and played back through the wonder of MIDI technology), photographs and even a little video. But I really struggled with bringing the music and lyrics together. I had this CD-ROM with lyrics and music, but none of it went together.
I actually studied music business management and audio production at a university level. I knew I didn’t have the chops to be a musician, but I wanted to be involved in that industry. And those studies were amazing… I’ll never regret doing it. But when I graduated I quickly discovered that opportunities were very limited and competition was fierce. Living (then) in the most expensive city in Australia and being told that I might have to work on a ‘trial’ basis for six months for no pay was not the most inspirational thing. So I returned to my home town and took the first job I was offered, something completely unrelated to that industry.
I guess I still feel kind of foolish about the whole thing. In the words of Sophie B. Hawkins, “I try too hard and then I give up way too easily.” I get so easily discouraged. I devote so much time and space on my blog to inspirational encouraging things because I’m trying to pysche myself up to try things.
But it’s not all doom and gloom, I suppose. I’ve been improvising and playing at this keyboard for years now and I have improved dramatically. I bought a little Yamaha USB Audiogram 6 mixer so I can record things on the computer. And every now and then I’ll sit down and write something. Through the Internet it is easy to share things (say on SoundCloud or YouTube).
Where there’s life, there’s hope (I hope).
I’d tell you but that would cut the legs off a TNB post in the making.
Unfortunately, I’ve grown up and I’m (a) not sure I’m the person I ever imagined I would be and (b) not sure that that’s such a bad thing either.
Does that make sense? I’ve had two glasses of red wine.
(I mean, i did want to be a vet for an awfully long time and had to settle for being a cat collector).
I want to be a calm person who can handle change. That’s all. I just want to grow into the kind of person that isn’t easily flustered.
I think that’s a great goal, and it’s totally achievable. I think it’s smart to focus on the qualities you want to cultivate in yourself.
Yes! I often feel the same way. I guess I’m not fully grown up yet, so there is still time, but I can already tell I’m not on the path I thought I’d be on. I’m at the point of trying to find a happy medium between just accepting what is and trying to pursue things I’m not sure are realistic. I want to set strong goals, but I also want to just be happy with who I am right now.
Oh, fabulous. I’ll be looking forward to it! Your TNB posts are always worth a read.
Wow, you’re such an interesting person, John. You have quite a sense of workmanship about you. I love that. You decide that you’re into something and you want to learn about it, and then you approach the task in a serious, almost methodical way. That’s something I could use more of.
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